marami pong salamat sa nangyari. alam ko pong Kayo ang may kagagawan nun. it was meant to be; for i prayed for 'something' to happen the other night. who said that You can't answer prayers?! You just did! and i'm very grateful for that! this is perhaps, the first step for something big... pero ayaw kong maxadong umasa... ayoko rin magexpect agad... pero alam ko, nanjan lang yun. pero, maraming salamat po talaga. malaking tulong. napakalaking tulong.

 aayos din ang lahat....

Currently listening to: Datu's tribe - Lakambini Bottom
Currently feeling: grateful

bakit tinatamad? anong problema? bakit ganito? hindi naman talaga ganito... maraming nadadamay. maraming nasasagasaan. ako din naman ang talo.... may hinahanap subalit, hindi pa rin makita... o kaysarap managinip!

hindi pwedeng laging magtago... hindi pwedeng parating umiwas... kailangang harapin. pero ilang beses nang hinaharap. pagod na. ayaw na. marahil ay susuko na. nahihirapan na....

 malalabo. walang pinatutunguhan. ako. ngayon. walang saysay. hindi alam. complicado. mejo. naguguluhan-- oo. saan? kailan? bakit?

sabi nga ni tikya saken: "cohesive sentences". pero, wala. hindi pa kaya. naguguluhan pa. malabo. maraming tanong. kailangan ng kausap. ewan. blanko. pagod. nahihirapan. madrama, oo. tanga; ako.

Currently listening to: tunog ng bentilador
Currently watching: pag-blink ng cursor
Currently feeling: blank

(since tabulas was down yesterday, ngaun ko lang na-post ang entry ko for yesterday...)

 

Sadyang may mga taong tanga sa mundong ginagalawan natin… at isa na ako doon. Kanina, dumaan akong ATC (Alabang Town Center) para ihatid ang aking mga kaibigan at mag-deposit ng pera. Sandali, wala pang ka-tangahan jan. nagkkwento pa lang ako… siyempre, papasok ng parking ay aabutan ka ng parking ticket (in this case, it was a card). “Good afternoon sir!”; “Hi. Thanks!” Hindi katangahan ang hindi ko rin pagbati sakanya ng ‘good afternoon’. Hindi naman kasi good ang afternoon ko. Anyways, nag hanap na kami ng parking space, nag park, pumasok sa mall, nag paalam. Uuwi na kasi ang mga kaibigan ko. Ako nama’y dumeretso dun sa may ATM na may real-time deposit shit at nag deposito na ng aking pera.

 

Papunta pa lang ako sa ATM nang ako’y napaisip… saan ko kaya nailagay ang aking parking ticket (card nga!)? kumapa ako sa kaliwang bulsa… wala. Panyo, susi, at suklay lang… e hindi naman ako nagsusuklay. Bakit kaya ako nagdala ng suklay…? Sa kanang bulsa, DLSU rosary, cell phone… back pockets, puro himulmol lang ng damit… darn! Where did I put the f*cking card??? Then I thought to myself, “baka naiwan ko lang sa kotse…’ well, its safe to assume that. Where the hell would I place the card naman kasi?!

 

Tinignan ko sa mga dinaanan ko… wala naman… tinignan ko sa palibot ng auto, wala naman… tinignan ko yung places na pwede kong paglagyan sa kotse, darn! Still no sign of the freakin card! I then reported it to the roaming guard sa parking… I told him my shit… then I asked, “kuya, pag nawala ko yung card, anong gagawin ko?”; “papakita mo lang yun lisensya mo sir, tapos magbabayad ka ng P150.” Ayos! P150 din yun. Sa town kasi, first 30mins, free. The succeeding mins (basta pag more than 30 mins kang naka-park) P15 flat rate. Sabi ko pa naman sa sarili ko, “free lang parking ko. Mabilis lang e.” but of course, that wasn’t the case anymore… I lost the freakin card! I paid P150, and got interrogated by the security guard at the exit gate. Oh, and he gave me a ticket. Refundable naman daw yun P150 ko… hanapin ko lang yun card. Who knows, baka nalaglag lang sa car… at one month yun span ng ‘redemption’ ko. Pwede na.

 

He was like, “pasenxa na po sir…”; “ok lang. ok lang. kasalanan ko naman e. ako ung tanga.” Ayos! Batang matalino! Batang Promil. Gifted child: Ralph Tirones, Promil user ‘till now… mahusay. Iwala mo ulit yung card/ticket sa parking ha. Bayad-galore ka! Nakausap mo na yung guard, may ticket ka pa! hindi nga lang pwede sa kahit anong ride o kahit sine yung ticket. Magjjoy-ride ka na lang pauwi, habang kumakanta ng, “ang tanga-tanga, ang tanga-tanga, ang tanga-tanga ko talaga…” sa tono ng kantang ‘bulaklak’ yes!

Currently feeling: shitty

 

            In our POLIGOV class a few meetings ago; we came across the topic about marriage. Yes, nuptials, weddings, matrimony, sh*t-I’m-going-to-spend-my-life-with-you-forever!; whatever you want to call it. All of a sudden, I thought to myself, “bakit ba kailangan pang ikasal?” Haven’t you thought of the same thing? Why get married? What are weddings for? They’re just added expenses. But of course, if you don’t have a wedding, you won’t receive any wedding presents, no one will give you “initial capital” to start on with your new life, no free food for your guests, no extravagant receptions, and no ting-ting-ting… kiss… kiss. And so? Without all of that, would that make you less of a person? I don’t think so. Let’s face it, it’s really hard to spend the rest of your life with ‘that someone’. But of course, there’s this thing we call ‘unconditional love’ that makes impossible things, possible.  

 

            But still, why get married? Because majority of Filipinos are Catholics and according to our beliefs, we should get married? Tradition’s sake? Formality? What? So that your child would carry both your surnames? Or is it because “live-in partners” are not ‘legal’ here in the Philippines? I don’t read the Bible—were there any indications in the Bible that we humans should get married? I know that this is part of the seven sacraments (there are 7, right? And marriage is one of those?), but is it a sin not to comply with all of those sacraments? You believe that you won’t reach Heaven when you’re single (but committed)? So that they could have conjugal properties? Conjugal rights? So that both of the parties would have assurance that no one will leave the other? For what? Why?

 

            When I was writing down my ‘goals’ in life (believe me, they aren’t that much… yet. lol), I never indicated that I get married at this age… no. I was like, “have kids at 24… get married? Bahala na si Batman!”

 

            I’m not against marriage or what. But hey, look at the divorce-rate in the world (In the other countries, annulment; for that matter). Why do we need to get married…? Just look at it this way, you’ll save a lot of moolah when you skip this part.

Currently listening to: tunog ng fan...
Currently watching: raindrops...
Currently feeling: still shitty...

I may not have the talent of playing with words, and to write stuff symbolically; but I can definitely put together simple words that could captivate your heart -- concise, simple. I may not be that athletic jock that every girl dreams about; but I’m not a weakling either. I may not be blessed with Brad Pitt-looking-genes, but hey “simpleng, ma-apeal” sabi mo, yun ang gusto mo.

            Hindi ko alam kung anong gusto mong iparating ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung anong gusto mong mangyari. But remember the time you told me, “I just want to share my blessings” (me--)”huh? Blessings?” (princesa--) “you…” I was teary-eyed that time. My heart was crushed. I was somewhat… devastated. You told me that you’re letting me go coz you don’t want to hold me as a ‘prisoner’ forever. I told you that I didn’t want to go; that this was my choice; that I locked myself in. You told me “so that when the time comes that your princess will come, I won’t be that hurt….” – naiintindihan ko. Eto na ba yun? Pinakawalan mo na nga ba ako kaya ganito? Pero… hindi. Wag. Hindi ko kaya na wala ka. Sabi mo hindi mo na ako iiwan muli…

            This isn’t the first time that this happened… Of course, you know that. You left me a couple of times na. The first time that you left me, “burn”… yes, that was my song. But then, you had to leave again. “tell me where it hurts”… yea, remember? Then somewhere in the middle of this story, “till my heartache ends” Now, are you leaving me for the third time…? What will my song be…? Will you still come back…? Why did you leave…? …?

            Dear, I won’t go on with my ‘melodrama’. Gasgas na e. At ayokong ikwento ulit ang mga pangyayari. Walang saysay. Alam mo naman yun. Ang akin lang, bakit? All of a sudden, biglang ganito… What happened? But you, knowing the tanga and martyr person that I am, know that I’ll still be here for you. That’s what you call ‘unconditional love’ dear. And that has always been the case. When I told you that you were special, when I built your mansion in my heart, I really meant that. Nothing will change how I feel about you… what you are to me. At as I always tell you, dear, kahit may princesa na, (sabi ko nga sa poem that I gave you last year sa birthday mo) “you’ll always be a princess to me.” There will never be another (insert name here). I miss you. I love you.

(I could go on in writing my shit here… but I think that is it for now… I will perhaps… as the days progress)

Currently feeling: shitty

            Wala naman talaga akong matinong maip-post ngayon. ‘steady’ as I put it. not that shitty anymore, at least. Gusto ko lang may ma-post everyday….

            Salamat sa mga nagcomment. Salamat sa mga napadaan. Daan lang ng daan. Sa mga gusting magpa link, sabihin nyo lang saken. Kung gusto nyo, i-link nyo rin ako. Hindi ko naman kayo pinipilit. Hehe

            Pero, bakit ba talaga ako nagpost ngayon? Dahil hindi pa rin nasasagot ang tanong ko na “bakit?”… <refer to first July 7 entry – "weddings">

            I’ll take this opportunity na rin na pasalamatan si paupau! Err… ‘maria’. Hahaha. Mas aliw yung ‘maria’—classic. Haha. At para ako lang ang tatawag sa’yo ng ganun! Hehe. Salamat at parati ka nanjan! Kahit busy ka, you still have time for me! Aaaww…. Malaking bagay. Salamat. Lalo na ngayon… hehe. I don’t want to be cheesy tho… kaya perhaps, I’ll cut it na lang here. Hehe. Pero paupau, err, “maria”, meron pa akong isa pang tanong: ‘may humps ba sa Gotham City?’ oo. Yung city ni batman. Kasi pag meron, e paano yun, kahit yata mag-siyete ang bat mobile, sasayad pa rin yun! Hindi na siya makakatakas sa media/police, at hindi rin nya mahahabol ng mabilis ang mga bad guys! Haha

            Sabi ko nga sa wordpress blog ko dati, “kanya-kanyang ka-weirduhan lang yan.”

Currently listening to: daliri - kjwan
Currently feeling: sleepy

 

 

I’m really tired and sleepy right now. But I want to post something…

 

Kakauwi lang namin. Galing kame sa kasal ng anak ng isang kaibigan ng aking tatay. Nakakatawang isipin na ang tanong ko na “bakit?” ay hindi pa rin nasasagot… kakasulat ko lang ng blog ko tungkol sa pagpapakasal nung isang araw. Hehe

 

Wala akong auto bukas. Ayos.

 

Hindi ako nakapanood ng “Desperate Housewives” ngayong gabi dahil sa kasal na yun. Pero ok lang, nakita ko naman ulit ang ibang ‘bora friends’. Pero, malaking bagay na ang nawala sa buhay ko dahil hindi nga ako naka-panood nun! Para na rin akong naka-miss ng isang episode ng F.R.I.E.N.D.S.!

 

Inaantok na ako ngayon.

 

Gusto ko nang matulog.

 

Ikaw, hindi… hindi ikaw… you, oo, ikaw nga. Mamimiss mo rin ako. babalik ka rin. haha

 

 

Currently listening to: bridges-sitti-cafe bossa
Currently feeling: sleepy

Hindi masyadong binabasa ng mga mababasa (blog hoppers) ang iyong mga entries kung ginagawa mo lang na diary ang blog mo. Well unless tungkol sa mga ‘kalokohan’ at tungkol sa pagibig ang iyong isinusulat. Patok yan sa mga mambabasa. Pero wala akong paki. Hindi naman ako nag bblog para ma-impress ang ibang tao. I just satisfy my own shit. At kung ano mang kalabasan nun, consolation ko na lang yun.

Siguro kailangan kong magpasalamat ngayon sa nasa itaas. Pero at the same time, pangit din naman ang nangyari. ayaw ko siyang ganun. Pero at least ok sa parte ko.

Wala naman akong matinong mai-ppost ngayon. Pagod at may sakit pa rin ako. Malabo din sa ngayon ang aking isipan… nagiisip… nagbabakasakali… nasaan ka? Bakit…?

Currently feeling: sore

 

Nakakatuwa; nakaka-aliw mag blog. Nakakatuwang isipin na kamakailan lang ako napakilala sa bagong mundo na ito. Madalas, hindi ako mapakali kung ano ba dapat ang ipost ko. Ano ba dapat ang isulat ko. Kelan ba ulit ako mag bblog? Anong ippost ko bukas. Haha

 

iba ang experience kapag naka-kilala ka ng ibang tao sa pamamagitan ng iyong blog site. Dahil dito, you don’t judge the person by their looks (unlike in friendster), you judge them on the content of their blog. Sabi nga ng isang kasabihan “don’t judge a book by its cover.” Marahil sa mundo ng blogging iyon pwede din i-apply. Malalaman mo kung tanga ba sa English ang isang tao. Kung barok ba siya magtagalog o magingles. Kung epektibo ba ang kanyang mga guro sa pagtuturo sa kanya ng grammar, subject-verb agreement, spelling, at kung ano-ano pa. kung baga, mas malalim kahit papaano ang pagka-kilala mo sa ‘stranger’ na yun.

 

Sa friendster, hindi mo na bubuksan yung webpage niya pag nakita mo na panget ang picture nya (tama ako di ba?). sa friendster, babasahin mo lang ang profile ng isang tao, tititig sa kanyang larawan, at magbabasa ng mga testimonials nya para mas makilala mo siya. But then again, looks can be deceiving. At pwedeng scripted ang testimonials. Ang profile mo naman, ikaw na bahala kung paano mo papagandahin at kung anong pagdodoktor ang gagawin mo para mag muka kang “kaakit-akit”

 

It’s a different story in blogging. You somewhat get to know the person in-depth. For in blogging, more often than not, people release their inner shits. People tend to be more expressive. Well of course, maliban na lang kung nagpapakitang tao ka nga lang. but in my shit, that’s not the case. Sabi ko nga, hindi ko naman layunin ma-impress ang ibang tao sa mga isinusulat ko. Kung may magbasa, consolation ko na yun; kung may mag comment, para ko nang napanalunan ang grand prize! Yes! May pumansin. May nakielam. May tinamaan at may nagpahayag ng kanyang damdamin sa aking isinulat. Mahusay.

 

“keep on blogging” ‘ika nga. Dance with the music. Go with the flow. Write what you want to write about. Do what’s best and God will do the rest. Barya lang umaga. Pag sexy libre, pag buntis doble, pag mataba triple! Do not leave your valuables unattended. One way. No u-turn.

Makati Ave.

Roxas Boulevard

. Open 24 hrs a day (except 8am-10am; Break). For indoor and outdoor use only. No duck hunting. Don’t block the driveway. Beware of children. Free bathroom tours. Buy grandma, get grandpa free!

 

 

 

 

(still miss you dear… love you my labs!)

Currently listening to: falling - keahiwai
Currently feeling: confused

 

Pagsusulat

 

            Kamakailan lang ako nahilig sa pagsusulat. Hindi naman talaga ako pala-sulat nung bata ako; kahit nung high school ako. Hindi rin ako mahilig magbasa ng libro noon. Ang mga binabasa ko lang na libro ay ang mga textbooks sa eskwela. Kaya marami pa akong kakainin na bigas kung gusto kong mahasa ang akin kakayanan dito.

 

            Ano ba ang nag tulak sa akin para magsulat? Marahil ay tulong ito ng mga libro ni BobOng. Dahil maliban sa Jack and the Beanstalk, Prince and the Pauper, at iba pang fairy tales and fables, ang “ABNKKBSNPLAko” ni BobOng ang unang librong natapos ko sa mahigit isang libong taon. Mahusay. Magaling na estudyante! Dapat tularan!

 

            Ang payo sa akin ng isang kaibigan, bahala daw ako kung saang lenggwahe ko gusto magsulat. Pwedeng deretsong ingles, pwedeng puro Filipino, pwedeng taglish, at kung may iba ka pang alam gamitin na lenggwahe, mahusay. Kanya-kanyang trip. Kanya-kanyang topak. Kanya-kanyang ka-weirduhan. Nga lang, pag nagsulat ka sa wikang Filipino sa MS word, puro red at green underlines ang iyong makikita. Ganun din pag taglish. Kaya ang aking payo, sa notepad ka na lang gumawa ng draft. Hindi ka pakikielaman nun! Kahit magliw-aliw ka sa bisaya, hieroglyphics, at lahat ng mga charcters sa alt (eg. Alt 369 = ű).

 

            Naisip ko rin na lahat ng mga manunulat ay may kanya-kanyang istilo sa pagsusulat. May mga nakakatawa, nakakatakot, nakakaiyak, cook books, dictionary, encyclopedia, bibliography, pocket books, notebooks, textbooks, religious, self-help, folders & fasteners, pad paper, school supplies, leisure, customer service, at cashier. May mga seryoso, may mga gumagamit ng mga symbolisms, may nag p-personify, may mga bastos, at may mga puro kalokohan lang. marahil doon mapapabilang ang mga gawa ko. Sa mga kalokohan. At eventually, ito’y mageevolve at mapupunta na lang sa mga “Spam”.

 

            Hindi ako kumakain ng spam. Well, nung bata ko, siempre. Pero ngaun, hindi ko na trips ang mga pagkain na maraming preservatives at msg. Nakakasama ito sa ating katawan. (sandali, hindi na ito konnektado sa “pagsusulat”! balik tayo….)

 

            Naisip ko rin, tungkol saan ba ang mga isusulat ko? Saang lenggwahe ko ba ito isusulat? Sinong target market ko? At, may magbabasa ba naman nito maliban sa akin at yung aso, paperclip, bola, puzzle, robot, wizard, pusa, o yun earth na lumalabas sa MS word?

 

            Minsan, magulo pa nga ang pag l-layout ng aking mga ideya. Dahil nga sa baguhan pa lang ako sa pagsusulat; amateur. Sabi ko din nga, marami pa akong bigas na kakainin. Marami pang librong dapat basahin. At marami pang bill ng Meralco na dapat bayarin.

 

            I think that it is because of pity that ‘some people’ read what I write. “aawww… poor kid, let’s read his crap.” Wala akong pakielam. Dahi sa gusto mo man o hindi, once na basahin mo ang gawa ko, “pans” na kita! Waahhoooo!

 

            Hayaan nyo at magiimprove din ang aking pagsusulat. Kapag meron nang “The Flash Returns”. Bakit nga kaya hindi ganun ka-sikat ang ibang Justice Friends? Dahil ba sa hindi na natin kilala ang mga ito? Dahil sa hindi natin sila panhon, dahil panahon pa sila ng ating mga lolo at tatay? Pero kung ako ang tatanungin, gusto ko na meron din silang sariling pelikula. Yung sila naman yun bida. Tiganan mo nga, ano ba ang pinakamabili na superhero costume? Siyempre, hindi agad mawawala si Spiderman; top-grosser yan. Si Bataman. Si Superman. Sa mga babae naman si Darna, este, si Wonder Woman pala. Tapos, si Flash. Ayun! Ayun na siya!!! Yes!!! Maganda din naman kasi ang costume ni Flash. Wala lang maxadong nagbebenta nito sa hindi malamang kadahilanan.

 

            Labo noh? Kung ano-anong pinagsasasabi. Sabi ko naman, kanya-kanyang ka-weirduhan lang yan. May mga nagrrugby, may nagccough syrup, may nagjjutes, may humihit-hit ng racumin at dora, may tumitira ng moth balls, at ang iba naman ay nasobrahan lang sa pagkain ng ice…

 

            Kanya-kanyang trip. Kanya-kanyang ka-weirduhan. Yan ang pagsusulat sa aking pananaw. Kung paano mo naipaparating sa ibang tao ang iyong ka-weirduhan… baw.

 (ito ay nanggaling sa wordpress blog ko. kinopya ko lang. hehe)

Currently listening to: kissing a fool - michael buble
Currently feeling: i miss my labs...

I was only giving you space. I had questions. You had the answers; apparently, you were ‘not in the mood’ to talk about shit that time. You were being irrational. What did I do? So I just assumed that you needed space. I gave you space. And now this? Why?

 

I’d still be the same person that I used to be. “Nothing will change” as we always say. I thought we were drifting apart again; I was scared. I didn’t want to lose you again. You’re too valuable. You’re too special. And as I told you, I wouldn’t have said all those crap if I didn’t mean a single word.

 

It’s up to you my dear, if you want to throw away all the shit that we had. If as if nothing really mattered. I’ll just lose the best I ever had… and if all else fails; I want you to know that I’ll always love you! You may not be ‘my princess’, but still, a princess in my eyes, ‘till I die.

Currently listening to: listen - stonefree
Currently feeling: sore

May mga naisulat ako dito na binura ko. Hindi naman sa I regretted that I wrote that; its just, I then realized that I needed to release shit lang. and looking back, I didn’t want to dwell on it again… but still, I really meant what I’ve said. So, say bye bye to melodrama one and two… and that survey shit. wala lang naman talaga yun. Hehe

 
On a happier note, let’s talk about something interesting… my entry for today:

 
Naka-relate ka?

 
            Bakit patok sa ibang tao ang ibang mga kanta, at sa iba nama’y hindi? Bakit pinapanood ng iba ang mga teleserye sa telebisyon keysa sa mga pelikula? Bakit mas patok ang ibang blog keysa sa iba? Ito ay dahil nakaka-relate sila sa nilalaman nito.

 
            Sino ba ang target market ng mga teleserye sa telebisyon? Ang masa. Ang mga taong tambay lang sa bahay. Ang mga taong maraming oras para manood ng telebisyon. Tignan nyo ang storyline: isang mahirap na probinsyana na maglalakbay papuntang Manynila para sumugal na makakuha ng trabaho. Aapihin muna sila. Papahirapan. Makakakita ng mayaman na syota. Tapos, ayan na ang drama. Hanggang sa happy ending na. nakaka-relate kasi sila. May mga bagay na umaangkop sa mga buhay nila. At umaasang gaganda din ang kanilang kabuhayan at ang makita ang kanilang prince charming (or princesa for that matter).

 
            Ang mga kanta. Ganun din ang mga kanta. Bakit natin ito trips? Nakaka-relate tayo sa nilalaman nito. Most of the songs naman ay usually love songs. Were only human, and you know what I mean. The lyrics strike us. The lyrics tells us stories… minsan, sapul talaga tayo. Kaya maliban sa magandang tune at mahusay ang kumanta, lyrics ang habol natin.

 
            Sa blogging. Sabi ko nga dati, hindi ko naman inaasam na puntahan o magkommento ang mga tao sa aking blog. Am not blogging to please other people. And again, consolation ko na lang ang mga bisita, at premyo ko na ang mga comments. But then, bakit mas patok ang ibang blogs keysa sa iba? Tama. Dahil nakaka-relate ang mangbabasa.

 
            Bakit sumikat ng ganun si BobOng? Nakaka-relate ang mga mababasa nya. At simple lang ang mga ginagamit nyang mga salita, hindi parang nagbasa ka ng Shakespeare o ng Hemmingway.

 
            Bakit sumikat ang iba kong entries? Ang ‘pagsusulat’, and my shit about princesa? Nakaka-relate ang mga mangbabasa. Pag nagkwento ka lang ng kung ano man (ex. Langgam na nakikipag mate sa isa pang langgam), walang papansin masyado dito. Other than its lame lang tlg, hindi sila nakaka-relate.

 
            Kaya ang aking payo kung gusto nyo ng maraming hits sa blogs nyo, magsulat kayo kung saan, sa tingin nyo e maraming mangbabasa ang makaka-relate. Top-grosser dito ang mga istorya tungkol sa pagibig at mga childhood shit.

Currently listening to: tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka
Currently feeling: blank

             The past years have been tough. The past years made me what I am right now. No regrets whatsoever for, I had no what if’s, what could’ve been’s, and what might have been’s. It was good. It was all good.

 
            It was nice to have someone with whom I shared my life with -- Shared all my ups and downs with. Someone with whom I was all out -- literally. Someone with which I had intelligent-non-sense-conversations with. And to have someone who knew me more than anyone in this world. Yes – princesa.

 
            This wouldn’t be easy dear. Walk me through. It seems like it took me forever to do this. But now, I made my decision. And I have to stick with my decision. Its for the better. I know.  I’ll stop this bullcrap and cut to the chase: I’m ready to let you go princesa -- I am letting you go.

 
            Dear, pagod na rin siguro. Battered. There were times that I told myself, “how much more could I take?” then God answered my silly question. He gave me more, knowing that I could still take a hell of a beating. But perhaps, everything took its toll already. I have to stop this melodrama of mine. I cant go on pursuing you, knowing that I wouldn’t dare enter in a relationship with you unless it is forever… and forever is a big word my dear (remember my email drama? You know what I mean)… You want to know something true? I think the shit that I have for you is. I’ll take you back in time, show you stuffs that happened… things that we’ve been through… life as we knew it. You’ll then realize (I hope), “oo nga…” things I’ve done… stuffs I’ve said… sacrifices I’ve made (I know you had too)…  it all sums up to one thing – that I really loved you.

 
            And as I always tell you, there’s nothing more that I could ask for. Eventhough you (you know), we still maintained our shit. In fact, we grew up to be really really good friends (and we'll still remain to be really really good friends 'till we grow old!). And again, that’s a heck of a consolation my dear! We have this unique thing that I wouldn’t trade-in for anything. We could still be us eventhough you’re not ‘princesa’ anymore. And as you told me, you also wanted to let go of me. You already unlocked the door, and its up to me to do my share of the escape.

 
            This would benefit the both of us. This is for the better. Don’t get me wrong dear, there’s no new ‘princesa’ at the moment. Look at it this way: you’re still my pretty little angel until the ‘new princesa’ arrives. And dear, you have my assurance, like what I’ve told you, “you’ll always be a princess to me!” (you'd still be my labs! )

 
            That’s it. I wont be cheesy or anything, I could always do that when I’m talking to you! Hehe. We’ll still be us. “Nothing will change” as we always say… I love you dear! And I always will! (no more leaving moments, ok? hehe)

Currently listening to: listen - stonefree
Currently feeling: thankful

Matagal na nang huling nakapagpost si ardeepineda. At ang laking gulat nya, na napakaraming tao ang naki-simpatya sa kanyang isinulat…

 Inii-aalay ko itong entry kong ito sa mga taong nagcomment sa aking isinulat tungkol sa princesa. Salamat. Salamat. I really didn’t expect oh-so-many reactions/comments for that post. I was just releasing shit (like I always do). salamat. Salamat. I feel much better now. Salamat…

 Sabi ko nga dati, bebenta ang mga posts nyo kung makaka-relate ang iyong mga mangbabasa sa iyong isinulat. Marahil ay marami ang mga nakarelate sa aking previous entry, kaya ganoon ang kinalabasan.

 Subalit, hindi pa rin lalaki ang ulo ko. Hindi pa rin ako magppost para lang magpa-impress sa mga tao. Tungkol sa kadramahan, kalokohan, kakulitan pa rin ang aking mga isisiwalat dito. Ang gustong sabihin ng aking puso. Ang gustong sabihin ng aking damdamin. Dahil dito, nagpapakatotoo lang ako.

Salamat ng marami.

Currently listening to: if i'm not in love - Faith Hill
Currently reading: my post
Currently watching: raindrops....
Currently feeling: touched

Kahit walang pincesa ngayon, swerte pa rin ako. marami akong dapat pasalamatan kahit sa tingin ko, marami pang kulang sa buhay ko.

 
Tao lang ako. maraming hinaing. Maraming hinihingi. Hindi nakokontento kung sa anong meron. Laging gusto ang higit sa kung anong meron.

 
Pero kung iisipin, ang swerte ko na sobra. Swerte ako dahil completo ang pamilya ko. Mabait ang mga magulang ko. Hindi kame naghihirap. Hindi binabaha ang lugar namin. Sa isang pribadong subdibisyon ako nakatira. Walang giyera malapit sa aming tinitirhan. Kumakain kame ng mahigit sa tatlong beses sa isang araw. May sasakyan kame (at hindi jeep, taxi, tricycle, o kung anong ginagamit sa pangpasada. At hindi lang isa). Simula nung bata ako, sa pribadong eskwelahan ako nagaaral. Sapat ang allowance ko. Hindi ako tumigil ng pagaaral dahil sa walang maipang-bayad ng tuition ang aking mga magulang. Hindi ako naging isang working-student para lang matustusan ang aking pagaaral. Nasa kolehiyo ako ngayon. Buhay kame. Nasa maayos na kalagayan; at lahat ay malusog. Walang may sakit.

 
I’m grateful for the little things in life. As I always tell God when I pray at night, I’m really thankful that He still gave me one more day to live. He still has plans for me. I cannot say that I have everything money can buy; but I can tell you that I almost do. We have so many luxuries in life, and I pity myself for there are still millions of fellow Filipinos that die of hunger and poverty.

 
There are times in my life that I ask/tell myself, “bakit ganito lang? eto lang ulam, wala nang iba? Eto lang pera ko? Ayaw ko itong kotse na ito! Gusto ko sa (insert restaurant here) kumain! Gusto ko pa ng (insert whatsoever here)! Gusto ko… gusto ko…” Its not that I’m selfish or anything, it’s just, that’s human nature. We tend to want more. We tend to crave for something we haven’t taken possession of; we want everything to be ours. We want more of what we have. We are not contented on what we have.

 
What do I want to point out? Think of the little things God has given you. Think of the little things that you take for granted. These little things are one of God’s greatest gifts. Your life; your family, and the other material (and non-material) things that surround you. Of course there are also the stuff money cant buy – love, bliss, and all other shit. But then, just think of it. Aren’t you lucky? Lucky that you’re alive? Lucky that you have this… that…?

 
Isipin mo kung gaano ka kaswerte. Isipin mo kung hinihiling mo na sana, sinigang ang ulam nyo bukas; samantalang may mga batang wala man lang makain sa ngayon. Hinihiling mo na sana bigyan ka ng pera; samantalang ang daming mga batang namamalimos. Hinihiling mo na mas yumaman kayo; samantalang ang daming Pilipinong baon sa kahirapan.Hinihiling mo na sanasana, makapag-beach kayo; samantalang ang daming mga Pinoy na binabaha ang mga bahay nila. Hinihiling mo na sana, mabigyan ka ng baong PlayStation cd na shooting game; samantalang ang daming mga namamatay sa giyera ngayon sa buong mundo.  Hinihiling mo na sana, magkaroon kayo ng bagong TV, at magkaroon ka ng bagong celphone; samantlang halos lahat ng Pinoy ay may celphone na! at kahit mga iskwaters ay may TV! Colored na, may cable pa! san ka?!  

 
No, but seriously, think of what I’ve said. Think of how lucky you really are. Think of how blessed you really are. Think of how much God really loves you. Think of other people, not just yourself. And think of how you can help fellow Filipinos in this time of crisis…

Currently listening to: YM message alerts
Currently feeling: tired