Gusto kong magsulat; subalit hindi ko alam kung anong isusulat. Magulo ang isip. Maraming bumabagabag. Maraming tanong. At pagkatapos ng isang positibong post, eto nanaman at kadramahan nanaman ang isisiwalat. Umaayon lang talaga ang aking mga entries sa titulo ng aking ‘internet space’ –kadramahan. kalokohan. kakulitan.

 
Si ardeepineda at si ralphT ay iisa tulad nga ng titulo ng isa kong post. Subalit, si ardeepineda ang kumakatawan kay ralphT sa mundo ng internet... sa mundo ng pagbblog. Si ardeepineda ang nagsusulat tungkol sa mga pangyayari sa buhay ni ralphT. Si ardeepineda ang naglalathala sa mga gustong iparating ni ralphT. Si ardeepineda ang madramang katauhan ni ralphT…

 
Nahihirapan ngayon dahil walang princesa. Walang centro ng mundo ko. Walang inspirasyon. Walang espesyal na tao… meron naman, pero siya pa rin ang dating princesa. Masyado ko nang nai-relate ang terminong iyon sakanya. Siya ang unang taong pumapasok sa aking isipan kapag nababanggit ang nasabing termino. Subalit, hindi na siya pwedeng maging princesa. Tama na. Nagpasya na ako. At oo, para naman iyon sa ikabubuti ng lahat. Hinihintay ang pagdating ng bagong princesa. Hinahanap ang bagong princesa. Nasaan ka? Sino ka…?

 
When Friendster was still the ‘in’ thing, I once wrote in my ‘about me’ profile that I’m not that hard to please; that I’m just a simple person with simple joys… (am not into Friendster anymore though)

 
Princesa (qualities that I look for):

            Someone who’ll watch cloud formations with me

            Someone who’ll watch raindrops pour with me

            Someone who’ll appreciate “lunar-phases” with me

            Someone who’ll watch the ants crawl on the wall with me

            Someone who’d love to saunter with me under a cloudy weather

            Someone with whom I could have intelligent non-sense conversations with

            Someone who’ll also appreciate little things in life like I do

            Someone who is grateful for the everyday blessings God has given us

            Someone who has FAITH

            Someone to be with when I watch steam rise from a bowl of rice

 
Weird? Nah…. Simple.

 
I really enjoy the simplicity of life. People tend to complicate life. People tend to complicate situations. Complexity is God’s concern. He lets us enjoy these complex things in simple ways…

 
But still, where is ‘princesa’…? I need someone that I could give all my love to. Someone I could bother anytime just to say “I love you!” someone special to hug; someone special to adore. Where is that someone…? Where is ‘princesa’?

gkatapos lit hindi ko alam kung anong isusulat.

Sabi sa http://en.wiktionary.org ang ibig sabihin daw ng ideal ay:

·  being optimal or relating to the best option for something.

·  being perfect, having no flaws or defects.

‘best’, ‘perfect’, ‘optimal’, ‘no flaws’. Anong ibig sabihin nun? Yan ang pinaka sa pinaka.

Naaral namin noon sa economics class namin ang ‘ideal economy’, equal ang demand sa supply. Walang surplus, walang scarcity. Ayos. Edi maganda. Pag ganun nga ang nangyari, mura lahat. Walang sobrang mahal. Tama lang. kaya bilhin ng mga tao. Kaya bilhin ng kahit mga simpleng mamamayan. At siguro’y, walang naghihirap nun.

Pero, naitanong ko sa sarili ko noon, e bakit hindi ito nangyayari? Ang galeng nga naman ng nag-pauso ng salitang “ideal”. Talagang pinaasa nya ang tao na mangyayari din yun... na mangyayari ang pagiging “ideal”. Pero, Malabo ito. Dahil sabi nga sa wiktionary ‘perfect’. Kelan ba naging perpekto ang mga bagay? At may kasabihan nga na “tao lang ako, hindi perpekto.” Ideal?

Maraming pulubi; ideal? Maraming namamatay sa giyera; ideal? 3^rd world country ang ‘Pinas; ideal? Maraming ayaw kay PGMA; ideal? Maraming pirata, maraming nangdadaya; ideal? Walang princesa; ideal? (humirit pa talaga e!) Hindi.

Bakit kung anong ‘ideal’, yun pa ang hindi nangyayari? Bakit pa naimbento ang katagang ‘ideal’? hindi rin naman kasi mangyayari yun. Para mo na rin sinabi na bakit naimbento pa ang salitang ‘perpekto’? ginagamit naman kasi ang salitang perpekto, katulad sa mga exams – ‘perfect score’. Sa sports -- ‘perfect shot’. Sa modeling – ‘perfect angle’. Meron din sa math, ang perfect triangle or ang ‘equilateral triangle’ – ibig sabihin equal lahat ng sides at angles, perfect. Hindi mo naman sinasabi na, “ma, ideal po ang exam ko kanina sa Math! Tungkol sa mga ideal triangles.” Ayos ka ‘boy!

Ano, para saan ang ‘ideal’ kung hanggang sa kataga lang natin ito nagagamit. Hanggang sa salita lang. dahil hindi naman talaga nangyayari ang pagiging ‘ideal’…

Takdang aralin: isalin sa wikang Filipino ang salitang ‘ideal’ (hindi ‘perpekto’, ginamit ko na yun e!). isulat sa one whole crosswise illustration board. Gumamit ng dugo sa pagsulat; isulat nyo sa itim na parte ng inyong one whole crosswise illustration board. Isulat mo na rin kung ilan ang butas sa cracker ng skyflakes… isaw-saw ang skyflakes sa dugo. Ayos. Ideal.

 

I hate watching romantic movies; it reminds me of you

I hate listening to music that we like; it reminds me of you

I hate eating Japanese food; it reminds me of you

I hate talking to some other person on the phone; it reminds me of you

I hate cars that look like yours; it reminds me of you

I hate phones that look like yours; it reminds me of you

I hate apparel that looks like yours; it reminds me of you

I hate it when I see girly-clothes; I imagine you wearing them

I hate it that there wasn’t a day that I didn’t think about you

I hate it that there wasn’t a day that I didn’t dream about you

I hate it that there wasn’t a day that I didn’t want to think about you

I hate my phone; it’s all you

I hate it when I always assume that it would be you when I receive a message on my phone

I hate your pictures

I hate your messages

I hate your ‘altar’

I hate seeing places that remind me of you

I hate seeing things that remind me of you

I hate it when I’m alone at night, and think about you

I hate it when I look at the moon and think about you

I hate it that I find you hot, gorgeous, pretty, lovely, sweet, and intelligent

I hate how you dress

I hate how you sing

I hate how you talk

I hate your hair

I hate your nails

I hate your lips

I hate your hands

I hate your smell

I hate your voice

I hate your smile

I hate it when you laugh

I hate when you still smell good even if you’re all sweaty and shit

I hate your dog

I hate your breath

I hate your warmth

I hate your mood-swings

I hate your PMS
I hate your ‘tarays’

I hate your ‘lambings’

I hate your ‘pacute/papampam’

I hate it when you laugh so hard and snort

I hate it that you’re still my ‘pretty little angel’

I hate it that you’re “my labs”

I hate it that I still haven’t cooked for you

I hate it that you still haven’t played ‘Gone’ for me

I hate it that we still hadn’t done ‘errands’ together

I hate it that we still haven't seen Nyoy in concert

I hate it that we haven’t gone to the beach yet

I hate the fact that you’re just ‘irresistable’

I hate it that you cannot do anything to turn me off

I hate it that you’re not mine

I hate it that you’re not ‘princesa’ anymore

I hate it that I still pertain to you as ‘princesa’

I hate it that I still love you

 

 

I hate it that I don’t hate you at all…

(patterned from: 10 things I hate about you)

 

Currently listening to: my cherie amour - stevie wonder

(I really want to write about something. I really want to post something. But due to frustration, stress, confusion & my weirdness, with a sprinkle of shit-I-got-intoxicated-by-preservatives; my brain is not functioning well right now. Add it to the fact that I still have a long quiz tomorrow in Supply Chain Management *yuck!*

So here’s my first post from my wordpress blog. para light-reading naman. Sa next post na ulit ang kadramahan ko. Hehe. At I assure you, hindi nauubos ang kadramahan ni ardeepineda. Haha)

Generation X

I think that’s what they call the era now. Kids nowadays have the latest gadgets in the market: iPods, mp4s, PDAs, portable DVD players, laptops, the trendiest phones, and the like… kids. Come to think of it, when I was a kid (am not that old), we didn’t have cable TV (the TV wasn’t even remote controlled), we didn’t have a computer at home, no cell phones (not even beepers), no fancy gadgets that you normally see now. What I had though was a battery-operated car that you control using the buttons embedded on a hand-held device which is connected to the car itself. It is literally wired to the car so when the car moved, you literally have to follow it… fun!

            When I was a kid, we played jolen, tex, hide-and-seek, moro-moro, tumbang-preso, finish, role-playing games (literally. We played our own characters in our game. Batman vs Superman vs Power Rangers vs Machine Man vs Masked Rider Black vs Yu YU Hakusho and the like.), the-kid-who-gets-the-most-mangoes-from-the-mango-tree-eats-the-most-mangoes, and whoever-throws-the-mango-seeds-the-farthest-and-hits-the-neighbors-roof-will-be-declared-the-winner. Simple joys. No “technological fun”. Just plain ol’nature and us. Naïve kids that didn’t really care about anything; all we cared about were fun, food, and lots more fun!

            Compare it to kids nowadays. They surf the net, they have camera-3G phones, they have mp3 players, and they play computer games. Human-technology interaction. Unlike in my time… and kids nowadays are definitely not naïve. Kids nowadays know a lot! Am not saying that kids nowadays are more intelligent than kids 10 years ago…

            Thanks to Friendster’s blogs that I accidentally clicked on a kids’ blog… this kid was from my high school. The kid was just in early elementary years when I was in high school… the blog is for public viewing. So the heck, I read it. The title of the blog immediately caught my attention. I wont mention the title, but it’s somewhat personal… its about LOVE. Oh yes! The thing that makes the world go-round according to the PowerPuff Girls… I was intrigued. Hey, we Pinoys are fond of ‘prying’ with personal life of other people. We like this stuff!… we thrive on this shit! (well, chismosos & chismosas do..)

            One of the entries that I saw (and read) shocked me! Oh yes my dear, it’s about the trend kids nowadays freely talk about… SEX! Nice. Waitta’go kid!! This kid was what? 13? 14? 15 years old? 1^st or in 2^nd year highschool… nice. She (oh yes, the kid is a she) also indicated there that her classmates and other kid-schoolmates in elementary were already watching porn, and actually doing ‘it’ by themselves… if you know what I mean. Cool. And according to her, they actually understand what was happening! Sex-ed class? Nah! Curiosity. Perhaps the older siblings of these kids were… you know… nice role-models! Waitta’go siblings!! I wasn’t ‘exposed’ to these stuff until I reached 2^nd year high school. It was not the ‘in thing’ that time, or maybe, I was just really naïve of what was happening around me.

            I dunno. But kids nowadays are somewhat, ‘mature’ for their age… wanting more than just toys… craving more than just plain ol’fun in the sun. It’s good in a way. But of course, everything has its pros and cons. This is I think, the cause of oh so many juvenile rape cases. Kids… Lust over mind. They should keep in mind that they should be responsible for their actions. They should stop fantasizing about adult stuff. Their time will come. Don’t force the issue. You cannot have airplanes without an airstrip or a hangar (if you know what I mean)… Yes pleasure is good… actually, pleasure is bliss; a more superlative synonym. But hey, they’re just kids! Not of legal age. Kids who I think still do not have conviction for their actions. Little kids playing with ‘toys for the big boys’…

            It just caught my attention and somewhat bothered me. I had no idea that kids nowadays are so ‘knowledgeable’ about these stuffs. Actually, I overheard some elem kids the other day. Boy1:”Put*ng-i*a mo!” Boy2:“F*ck you!”… another scenario: Totoy:”masarap ba yung se*? Marunong ka ba mag*a*ol?” Oh yes, I really overheard kids talking about this stuff… and more! Nice. Information really brings out the best in kids!

 

“Ang kabataan ang pag-asa ng bayan” — Rak on!

 

Currently listening to: more than words - frankie J
Currently feeling: restless

Matagal-tagal na rin akong hindi nakakadalaw sa aking munting blog. Matagal-tagal na rin nang huli akong magpost sa aking blog. Busy kasi. At tulad ng sabi ko noon kay maria, stress-week ang august para sa akin. Napakaraming dapat tapusin; napakaraming dapat ipasa; napakaraming dapat pag-aralan. Sapagkat, matatapos na ang term. Hindi naman kasi kame semestral (hindi pala legal gamitin ang terminong ‘semestral’. hindi ito tanggap ng MS word/wikipedia/wiktionary/at iba pang diksyunaryo), trimestral (pati pala ang terminong ‘trimestral’. Imbento lang pala ang dalawang terminong iyon ng mga naunang registrar sa unibersidad. At ngayon ay legal na natin itong ginagamit) kasi kame.

Dahil sa aking natuklasan na hindi legal ang mga terminong ‘semestral’ at ‘trimestral’, voila! Meron na akong topic para sa aking ippost ngayon!

Napaka-innovative talaga ng mga Pinoy! Kita mo, naka-isip sila ng terminong pantukoy sa semester at trimester. Magaling. Mahusay! Pinoy. Pinoy ang head chef sa White House. Pinoy ang unang nakaimbento ng water-fueled engine na pang auto. Pinoy ang naka-diskubre ng fluorescent bulb (tama, di ba?). Pinoy ang gumawa ng moon buggy na ginamit nila Neil Armstrong nang mag field trip sila ng dalawa pa nyang tropa sa buwan.

Mga Pinoy ang gumawa ng rice terraces sa Ifugao na isa sa 8 wonders of the world. Pinoy ang nakaisip na ang mga lumang jeep na sasakyang pang-gera ng mga amerikano ay pwedeng pahabain, lagyan ng magkaharap na dalawang mahabang upuan sa likod, mag road-trip habang pinapainit ang ulo ng iba pang motorista, magtrip ng MMDA-dudes, at pagkakitaan ito. Mga Pinoy rin ang nagkakalat ng pirated cds. Mga Pinoy ang naninira sa kapwa Pinoy. Mga Pinoy ang nang-gagago sa kapwa Pinoy. Mga Pinoy rin ang ikinahihiya ang mga kapwa Pinoy. Pinoy rin ang bumoto sa presidenteng parati lang naman nila gusto i-impeach. Sa aking palagay nga, nang ttrip lang sila kapag bumoboto. “hmmm…. Sino kaya ang masayang panoorin ma-impeach? Yun ang iboboto ko!”

Pinoy ang nagnakaw ng telepono mo. Pinoy ang nang-holdap sa’yo. Pinoy ang nag-snatch ng gamit mo nung isang araw. Pinoy ang nangakyat-bahay sa inyo nung isang gabi. Pinoy ang nag-car nap ng auto mo. Pinoy ang pumitik ng tenga mo. Ayos. Magaling. Mahusay. Pinoy.

Magaling ang mga Pinoy. Mahusay. Maabilidad. Ma-diskarte. Kung kaya’t paano yunmayaman ang mga naka-upo sa pwesto? E magkano lang naman ang sweldo ng mga emplyeyado ng gobyernong nakaupo sa pwesto? At panigurado na mas higit na malaki pa ang mga sweldo ng inyong mga magulang buwan-buwan keysa sa kanila! Kurakot o maabilidad? …. PINOY!

 

Currently reading: the alchemist
Currently feeling: relieved

I was reading my ‘journal’ the other night. I witnessed my past shit, yet again. It’s funny though ‘coz a few years back, I speak/write differently. I was ‘conyo/conio’ back then. Well, perhaps, that was a manifestation of the fact that I study in a Lasallian school – the language is contagious (I do not generalize though. I know not all Lasallians are conio. Hehe. Peace dudes & dudettes!). And my high school friends were right; I was indeed, one of the ‘coniotics’. And so I knew…

 
I wrote a lot of shits. Yes, a lot of ‘em. And I was telling myself, “did I really write these?!” well yes apparently, all my entries were signed by me. Nice. And it’s funny to read stuff that you thought you’ve already forgotten… it brings back memories… That you felt this way towards someone; that you did something to someone; that you did this, went there, explored that. And, yes, I do agree with my friends; that you can hardly understand my handwriting.

 
Some entries were shocking. Some entries were intriguing. Some entries were plain lame and plainly stupid. I was like: “what was I thinking at that moment???!” Some words and some names kept repeating in my entries… emotions, realizations, and other shit. I wasn’t so bad-a-writer after all. Well, my calligraphy was; but aside from that, everything was conio, but substantial (lol). There were indeed many insights there (of course, that’s my ‘diary’ ). Perhaps, I still held back a little of my emotions in my entries. But still, you could decipher the depth of the emotion written there… rage, love, stupidity (is that an emotion?), hunger, craving, misery, guilt, repentance, euphoria, and the like.

 
What hit me the most? What stuck in my head after reading my journal again and made me contemplate about shit? Well, let’s leave the details for my next post. I would need to gather up emotions for me to write about something like that. lol

Currently feeling: contemplative

 

“Nag-aral ka pa kung bagsak ka rin naman sa test!” naisip namin yan ng isa kong kaibigan nung isang araw. Oo nga naman. Tama. Nagsayang ka lang ng oras. Sana’y naglaro ka na lang ng inaral mong oras. Paano mong nasabi na nag-aral ka, kung bagsak na naman?

Merong mga tests na all or nothing. Zero or one hundred. Kasi sabi ng isa naming professor, hindi naman ang effort ang basehan ng isang trabaho; ang output pa rin ang masimportante. Oo, mahalaga ang effort, dapat binibigyang pansin eto; pero kung puro effort lang at wala ka namang natatapos, wala din.

Anong ipinararating ng sinabi ko? Parang yung katagang, “in whatever you do, give it your best!” naglaba ka nga, pero hindi mo naman kinuskos mabuti; marumi pa. Sabi nga rin ni Sean Covey sa ‘7 habits of highly effective teens’ na “its not always easy, but its always possible.” (wag pilosopo!)

Bakit ako nagsulat ng ganito at hindi ang kadramahan ko? Walang pakielamanan! Trip ko e!

 

 
 

Takdang Aralin:

 
Number A: Bakit nga kaya hindi itinuloy ni ardeepineda ang kanyang naunang entry? Hindi na ba siya ulit magddrama?

 
Letter 2: Ako lang ba ang hindi nakakakilala kay Bob Marley at Chuck Norris?

 
Lastly: Bakit mo binasa ang entry kong ito, e walang kwenta naman? Bakit mo pati binasa ang mga walang kwentang takdang aralin?

 
And: Kung may isa kang gustong itanong sa akin, ano yun?

 

Currently listening to: ewan - APO hiking society
Currently watching: pag blink ng cursor...